A Mother's Heart

I have been absent for awhile and as most of you know,

with good reason.

My heart has been very heavy with the current health issues facing my daughter.

I know you can relate when I say I have been a bundle of nerves,

having butterflies in my tummy, feeling like I can't move, feeling hallow inside and at times, I feel like I can't breath.

I've been through some pretty tough times in my life.

I never, ever questioned how I would get through them.

I always have chosen to put one foot in front of the other.

I adopted the practice of focusing on one day at a time.

At other times, I reduced it to making it an hour at a time, a minute at a time,

and now, a second at a time.

For the most part,

I've kept these times to myself.

Everyone has enough to worry about in their own lives...

I'd be OK and didn't want to be a bother.

That all changed last Saturday.

That was the day I learned of my daughter's blood clot.

Just typing that last line makes me want to vomit.

I'm sorry.  But it does.

I did something I've never done before.

I went public.

I put out a call for prayers for my daughter.

And you've been praying.

And I thank you.

Deeply.

We'll be OK.

I'm sure of that.

But it will be a long road. 

It looks like it might even be a lifelong battle for her.

But she's tough.

She's been braver than me through all of this.

My daughter has an amazing ability to assure those that are flailing.

Most of you don't see that side of her.

Those of you that have, know what I'm talking about.

We've been running from appointment to appointment this week.

More of the same next week.

We're tired.

For me, it easier to keep busy.

All Christmas gifts are wrapped.

This weekend will be a weekend of Christmas baking with a friend.

I can't imagine what a parent does when their child is

diagnosed with a fatal disease.

I'm sure I'd die.

Yet, everyday, we are surrounded by an army

of parents that forge ahead.

They never give up.

They are a lesson to us all.

To those parents, I pray for you.

For healing.

For strength.

I wasn't sure I should do this blog.

I hate to be a Debbie Downer.

But last night, I was awakened by being tapped on the shoulder.

I think it was you praying for me and God letting me know he was there.

Writing helps me.

So here I am.

Thanks for the nudge.

It helps.