Friday, August 12, 2011

It's Not an Easy Task

Thanks to the celebrities that adopt, I feel adoption has taken a bum rap.  It all looks so easy when they do it.  It appears that money can buy you a family.  I'm here to set the record straight.  At least in the "real world."

Adopting a child is an arduous task.  It doesn't happen overnight.  It takes months, sometimes years.   Unless you have gone through it, I doubt you have a real sense of what it is like.  I say that to you with all due respect as I had no idea how difficult it was.

It all begins with a home study.  I naively thought that the social worker would come to our home, look around, chat a bit and deem us fit for parenthood.  Was I ever wrong!  We had many home visits and the case worker assigned to us asked us at least a million questions.  At least it seemed like.  She required our family histories...from medical to psychological.  She asked about chemical dependencies, religion, finances, friendships, job histories and a lot of hypothetical questions about how we would deal with certain situations as parents.  She wanted to know our opinion of Sesame Street.  Was it really educational or just a fluffy kids show?

None of these questions bothered me.

Then she got to the nitty gritty.  What kind of a child did we want?  I detested this question.  I mean, who gets to pick the type of child they wanted if they birth them?  Would it be OK if they needed corrective lenses?  How about hearing impaired?  Would physical impairments be OK?  How about mental delays?  We had to get beyond being resentful and get to digging deep within our souls to determine what kind of a child we felt we could parent well.  We couldn't have a child unless we were willing to self evaluate our own potential for being parents.  I often wonder how many people would become parents if they had to answer all of these questions before becoming pregnant.

We gave our answers.  We were approved and then we waited.  We waited less then a year and became parents of our son when he was 2.5 years old.  Two years later, we brought our daughter home at 2 days of age. 

Life was wonderful!

14 comments:

Melodie said...

I am so enjoying hearing about your journey of adoption,thank you for sharing it!

TexWisGirl said...

sorry, but you're still amazing to me. :)

Sharon said...

It does rather seem like you were put on the rack! You are right - if some people had to pass all these questions, before they got pregnant, there would be a lot less babies in the world.

Cheryl @ The Farmer's Daughter said...

Sometimes I wonder if celebrities get a pass on all those questions. Just because they are rich and famous don't make them good parents. I wonder how much time they actually spend with the children themselves. I think the questioning is almost as rigorous for fostering, too.

Mommie Dearest Strikes Again said...

What a wonderful and informative post...I'm so glad that your story had a happy ending.

I think maybe there should be some sort of a class or questioning phase before some people are allowed to bring a child home - for whatever reason!

Paula said...

I'm finding this very interesting. It certainly is a labor of love and not a job for sissies but I still think your kids are lucky to have you and you them.

Debbie said...

your on the right path, it's a wonderful story with such a happy ending!!

missing moments said...

You are so right ... how many would get to be parents if they were asked similar questions before becoming parents!
Not easy to self-examine ... kudos to you!

Kelli- AdventurezInChild'Rearing said...

Jill- I love it- you are such a special woman. You are always the first one to leave a comment of encouragement on my blog- you obviously pour your whole heart and sould into life with your "kids" (I know they aren't little ones- but they will always be our babies)
Did you know that we adopted too? boy #3 came to us when he was 8 mos. old. Something else people don't talk about is how difficult it can be. He has problems- it is hard- the whole family sacrifices- but, that's what families do for each other. He is exactly where God intended him to be and I know God is in the process of working a miracle in my little boy. (someday we'll have to chat - you and I) :) hugs and thank you for sharing your heart! Your love shines through - I can see it in your daughter's pictures.

Kelli- AdventurezInChild'Rearing said...

Something funny during our home study- the woman asked my oldest (who was 5 at the time) if he thought we would make good parents for this child and why- He answered with a resounding "Yes" - "because they NEVER Lie" "EVER". lol - you just never know what leaves a strong impression on your children! (never mind all the hugging and kissing and care- WE Never LIE!) lol- boys crack me up.

Madi and Mom said...

OH MY WORD...I had no idea.
It must have been both grueling and enlightening to 'hear' your own answers to questions you would never have asked yourself...
Well Done
Hugs Madi and Mom

Gloria said...

God sure picked the right people in this case!!!

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

When I worked for Children's Protective Services as part of my training I attended the sessions for people becoming foster parents. It was a 3 month course and I was so amazing by the collection of huge hearts in that room.

Pieces of Sunshine said...

Thank you for sharing Jill. Adoption appears to be even more arduous and difficult in Australia. You have to wonder why when so many special needs children and overseas children need a loving home.