Posies from the garden.
First things first. I am happy to announce that after sitting up in a tree limb for a little over an hour, my little downy woodpecker flew off into the sunset. I'm pretty sure she's just fine.
I want to take a moment here to thank my wonderful blogging friends that shared pieces of their lives with me in my comment section. I am honored that you chose to share such intimate details with me. It's just one of the reasons I find each and every one of my followers so amazing! Thank you!
On with my story...
We spent the next 2.5 years raising the kids together, my ex and I. Then he got other ideas and decided things were "greener on the other side of the fence." I think I always knew our marriage would end in divorce. A woman knows these things. So after 19 years, he packed up, moved out, got married and moved out of state in a matter of 9 months.
For me, it was really no big loss (hindsight is 20/20). Friends and family were somewhat stunned though as I hadn't really shared the down side of things at home. It was important to me to put on a brave face for everyone (I don't like people to worry about me) but especially for my kids.
I dusted myself off and the kids and I became The Three Musketeers. One for all and all for one and all that jazz. We would be fine. I'd make sure of it. And with the love, help and support of friends and family, I've done OK.
It hasn't been all rosy. I resent my ex a lot! Not for leaving me but because he hasn't been a Dad to his kids. Oh, he sends them birthday and Christmas gifts and if they are lucky, calls them 2-6 times a year. While going through the adoption process he answered all of the same questions and made the same commitment as I did but he bailed. Guess he fooled a lot of people. This has been a constant struggle for my kids. I do all I can and friends and family love and support them but they don't have a participating Dad and that hurts. A lot!
Single parenting isn't easy but it is doable. I try hard not to complain but I have bent a lot of ears over the years venting about the ex. Thank you friends and family for listening!
If you know a single parent, I'd like to make a suggestion. You'll never know how much they appreciate any support you can give them or their children. Or how they sleep better at night when you repair their garage door for them. Or how grateful they are when you let them bounce decision making issues around with them. Or how much a hand written note, email or phone call can lift their spirits knowing you are thinking about them.
My kids and I are fine. We always will be. But we could not have done it alone.
14 comments:
jill, you have offered great insight from someone who has lived it. and i'm glad you have gotten support and listening ears when you've needed to unload. :)
You are probably much better off without him, but it's such a shame he bailed on the kids. That makes it rough! I don't know how guys can do that, oh, I suppose there are a lot of mothers that do it too. Just so hard on the kids, physically, financially and emotionally. I'm glad you had a support group, so many don't have anyone to turn to.
Have a nice Sunday!
I know you say you have had loads of support I still think you are a very strong women. I don't know how I would have managed if I were in your shoes. I know lots of single parent families and I take my hat off to you and them all.
this is really a beautiful story. being a mom, it's not always easy....but it's always worth it!!!
Thanks for sharing this, Jill. There needs to be a big change in our society so that men realise they should participate in their kids upbringing. It is really striking how different it is in other parts of the world. I am glad that you have coped okay, your kids are lucky to have a mother like you.
So sorry you and your children are going through this. There will be better days ahead. Thoughts and prayers go your way.
Danielle
Every divorce has a back story and mine is no exception. With time, the hurt goes away and mine was replaced with pity. His loss, but you are right... the kids lose too.
Even though I'm fairly new here I still admire your grittiness!
I was Also once divorced...It's NOT easy being a single parent!
Great suggestions too...thank God I had my parents to help me.
hughugs
Ditto to all you said. Though it may not appear as such, he is and will be forever accounting for his decisions. We all are.
How disappointing for your kids that he hasn't been there for them :-( I can't imagine how hard that is for them to deal with.
You are remarkable! Sending you a hug, do you feel it? Bonnie
It's always amazing to me how a parent can walk away from their child. It pains them so and they can't understand. As much as I disliked my ex, I never spoke ill of him and always encouraged the relationship with their father. Even to the point where I paid for their airfare to go visit him. Not for him but for them.
Thanks so much for being real Jill! I'm so glad that you had support and listening ears around you. You are an inspiration to all Mother's. I learn so much from your insight.
(Beautiful posies!)
So glad you had a good support system to lean on when you needed it. Even the strongest people just need a shoulder to lean on or an ear to listen sometimes!
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